Start again. Don't be afraid to start again. If you're sick and tired of being sick and tired of where you are, how you're living, where you're headed. Just begin again.
I've made SO many mistakes in my life and the last couple of years I've been headed on a downward spiral. I've lost my love, passion, happiness and general love for life.
Being a Christian it's easy to believe we must always be happy because we have joy in Jesus but sadly I've even lost that. I've strayed so far from myself, what I know, the things that would have kept me from falling deeper into the dark abyss, that I fear there's no point of return. And that is scary. I've allowed the negative experiences that I've had to go through, to keep me from getting back to my equilibrium. I've allowed them to change me and manipulate my character rather than move past them and now they're consuming me. I'm in a place no Christian should ever have to find themself in.
My insecurities have led me to a shocking place and now I'm waking up. I may have gone too far but the point is that I'm now aware of how far I've gone and I thank God for showing me before I digressed further than I already have. I'm waking up to the reality that I despise where I am, how I'm feeling and the things I'm doing to try and compensate for my unhappiness.
Enough is enough. I can choose to continue in this decline or try and change it around. Nobody else can make that decision but me. It starts with ME. And so I'm going to do something about it. I'm going to take the time to become reacquainted with myself. I need to rediscover that inner peace. The harmony of body, spirit and mind. I need to get back to God.
The only time I've ever felt real peace was with God and I maintain that you can NEVER experience the true meaning of peace, love and happiness, without being in love with and knowing God. It may prove to be difficult because of the distractions of the world but I'm past the point of caring about those things. I need to get back to myself and God. That's all that matters. The world has nothing to offer me. All it brings is chaos and turmoil and it's brought me to where I am today. God is all that matters and only God can save me. And so, I'm taking a break from everything I've surrounded and buried myself in. It's time to face my problems and issues and tackle them head on. I'm going into recovery and that my friends, is both a brave and courageous decision to make.
I'm choosing to let God make my life right again. No distractions. Nobody. Just Me and God. I'm ready.
